First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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