Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
