guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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