A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
