Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
