Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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