Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my being single is dangerous.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
