I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize