evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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