Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
