their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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