I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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