3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize