I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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