Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
