I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
