You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
