i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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