Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
