It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
