just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
