Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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