Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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