He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
