Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
