I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
