i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
