My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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