For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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