is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
