How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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