Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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