omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize