hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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