You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
