I want to walk on stilts...naked
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
