Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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