Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
