Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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