dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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