You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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