So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
