I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
