The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
