they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize