mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
