Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
