just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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