yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
