it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
