Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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