Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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