i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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