It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im part way to drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
as a side note pls kill me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
