he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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