dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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