Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
