It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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