Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
