I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
