I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
