I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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