It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
