I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
