I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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